Defining Success On Your Own Terms: A Personal Journey

Have you ever reflected on what the idea of success means to you? 

The definition of success is a complex and personalised notion that varies for each individual and that most of the times lies hidden within us, until we decide to look deeper into ourselves.

Based on my personal experience, establishing one's definition of success is crucial to having a satisfying existence, and let me tell you, life is just so much better when you define success on your own terms. This is the #3 belief of Vagavoice and it represents a turning point in my journey, that Eureka moment that made me flip the story and eventually led me to express my full potentials. 

For many years I kept myself very busy chasing my dream of making it in the entertainment industry as an actress, songwriter and voice talent. But how could I exactly define success in such matters? Was it about landing one job or a specific show or millions of streams for my songs? And who was supposed top set these goals?

This questions raised for me when I realised that even when those big jobs, streams and shows turned from dreams into real opportunities, I was anyway feeling unsatisfied for the majority of my days.

Why was that? 

Synchronicity of meaning between our definition of success and our definition of happiness

I started considering that my definition of success could be in contrast with my definition of fulfilment and happiness.

I soon realised that there must be alignment between the two, but this is often missing as we set goals based on standard definitions of success rather than on our authentic needs and desires.

I saw this very clearly after a period of crisis.

Between sporadic moments of excitement, I had to deal on a daily basis with the industry's unreliability and frequent rejections, which with time were leaving me feeling discouraged and unsatisfied. At that particular stage of self-reflection, I started to question my reasons for pursuing this path and what accomplishment genuinely meant to me. I had many questions which needed answers that were clearly in the dis-comfort zone of my mind and heart.

What’s the average number of happy days in my year?

How am I spending the majority of my time?

Does success have to be limited by a timeframe?

Why am I feeling discouraged and unsatisfied despite my accomplishments?

Is it worth pursuing this path?

What does accomplishment really mean to me?

Should I consider exploring other options or fields?

And so on.

Considering that the life of a performer isn't just about the glamorous moments in the spotlight, but it's equally shaped by the moments in between—the gaps that make up a significant portion of our lives, where we experience the highs and lows of our profession - can we define our success on the basis of those sporadic moments of glory?

As performers, we often face periods of waiting between jobs, with auditions and opportunities spread out over time. This is the nature of our work and it also applies to many other fields, not only performance. Imagine starting your own business and trying to place it in front of the right people. Rejection will become a regular part of your journey, until eventually you'll establish yourself. 

So we unconsciously build the tendency to focus on the ultimate outcome of our efforts and to associate success to a moment of ephemeral accomplishment. 

I soon realised I was associating success to moments of great excitement, as I was basing my definition of success on the most popular and shallow definition of it: being in the spotlight, being admired and so on.

This explains why even people who seem to have it all, like big stars, sometimes experience depression and mental health issues. 

It's when I realised so that I started writing my very own definition of success, detached from the general idea of success, so that my goal is set for me to be successful (on my own terms!) during the majority of my days rather than the smallest percentage.

I started by filling my schedule with activities I adore, which also bring in some income. These pursuits may involve performance, but in a different setting compared to large stages or high-profile campaigns. Basically, looking at the chart above, what I did is to replace as much as possible of my blue time with my pale pink time. 

Embracing this approach has revealed the true potential for fulfilment and meaning, develop my skills, and savour each phase of the path I've chosen.

Would you consider me successful?

Why Do We Get Stuck in a Definition of Success?

It is a fact that a universal standard cannot define success. It is subjective and different for every person. Different individuals may respond differently to various approaches. And that's where we encounter a roadblock - when we attempt to conform to a particular interpretation of achievement that doesn't correspond with our genuine interests and principles.

I have personally encountered this. As I mentioned before for a certain period of time I pursued a notion of achievement that didn’t fully resonate with my values and principles.

I noticed though, that a remarkable number of people around me, such as colleagues and family members, were stuck in pursuing the same un-aligned definition of success. These are the parameters we were always given and what we were taught by default. Success must mean being recognised and receive acknowledgements, awards or whatever.

But let's check on Cambridge dictionary the actual definition of success. So it states:

"The achieving of desired results".

But desired by whom?

So things started to shift for me when I put myself in listening mode, and in my innermost being I started to become aware that the shape I was giving to my journey wasn’t coming from a place of connection with my authentic self. I had to work on this.

Making the Journey Fulfilling

My personal definition of success includes being able to travel regularly - if not full-time - and also being able to get into the studio or on stage frequently. Furthermore, I aim to fill each day with other activities that I enjoy, such as writing, helping others succeed, meditating, doing yoga, and practicing sound healing.

This activities can also be a source of income and I'm mastering more skills year by year, ultimately shifting my percentage of happy days much closer to 100%. Isn’t this success?

If we establish a lifestyle consistent with our beliefs and goals, we are inclined to take pleasure in the journey and attain peace of mind. A great step towards success, uh? 

I also motivate you to explore different possibilities and make unusual decisions, which is crucial in achieving inner satisfaction.

We definitely have the strength and the skills to take responsibility for our existence and to forge a course customised to our needs. And once you start from a place of connection with your authentic self you might discover that your very own definition of success is now far away from the idea of success that made you embrace this path in the first place.

As we set our own parameters, we also automatically overcome a number of fears that we all have and that are constantly limiting us, such as the fear of competition or of being criticised.

Once we set our own definition of success there is no need to measure ourselves against others or try to adapt to another person's view of success. Alternatively, we can focus on our journey and acknowledge our particular successes. We can be extremely successful at being unique, as we actually are unique and so it is our journey. 

Achieving happiness and success during the journey requires discovering happiness and fulfilment while accomplishing an objective or arriving at a location. It is possible to design a lifestyle that reflects our beliefs and goals by being innovative, establishing our conditions, and handling competition positively. This way, we can develop a personalised life and love the journey.

An invitation to embrace your unique journey

As author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said:

"Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."

Think about existence as a journey on a roadway. You have a beginning location and a final endpoint; however, what about all that happens in between? The view, the breaks, and the surprising curves? This is were we want to be successful the most as this is the core of our experience as living beings. So let’s opt for the more lovely route. We are allowed to go down to different paths and experiment with unusual experiences. Let’s push ourselves to explore beyond the norm and opt for unconventional decisions. And as we establish a genuine and satisfying existence while remaining loyal to our inner selves, we will uncover the ultimate definition of success.